Is relationship drama making your life more difficult and stressful than it has to be?
If you’re going through a contentious divorce, a custody battle or have an on-going difficult relationship with your child’s other parent, minimizing the drama in your life can seem like an impossible feat. But there are ways to invite calm into your life even if there’s a storm building outside.
I once worked with a man who had what he called a “drubble”, a drama-free bubble. It’s purpose was to limit the amount of drama in his life at all times.
As you may have guessed, it wasn’t so much a protective shield as it was a theory, a guiding principle for his life.
I liked that he actually had a name for it and over the years I’ve adopted my very own drubble. It’s had a significant impact not only for me but also for my son, and his father and his new partner.
I’m committed to my drubble for all of us, but mostly for my son. He deserves two parents who can put their differences aside for his happiness, who fill his life with love instead of angst, who show him that people can find common ground even when they disagree.
I realize I didn’t create ALL of this, but my level of self-management plays a big role in the relatively harmonious life we’re all living now.
If you’re interested in creating your own drubble, here are some of the elements of mine that might be helpful for you:
• Accept the situation, whatever it is. This does not mean you have to like the situation. It just means you accept the facts. From there, you can decide your next logical step forward.
• Control what’s within your power: your thoughts, feelings and actions. This can be a tall order, especially in the feelings department, but even simply remembering that you CAN be the master or mistress of yourself can help you manage what’s happening out in the world.
• Get curious. A lot of drama comes from trying to read between the lines of what other people are saying or doing. A good way to cut through that uncertainty is to ask clarifying questions and be clear about your own position.
• Avoid setting expectations. According to Buddhist philosophy, expectations are among the roots of disappointment and I have found this to be true. This doesn’t mean you don’t set goals, or have desires or aspirations. It just means you don’t attach yourself to the outcome. You are enough and your life is still good no matter what happens.
• Be discerning with who you let into your life. Surround yourself with positive people who are also committed to minimizing the drama in their lives.
• For situations where you you can’t get away from a toxic or negative person, minimize contact as much as possible, stick to the facts and if they do or say something that triggers you, take a few deep breaths to calm your nervous system so you don’t get drawn into their emotional storm.
If you need support in managing the drama in your life, book a free strategy session and we’ll look at ways you can create more calm for yourself and your family.
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